Has Terry Don Been Drinking the Solid BOOM!aide?

Over the past weeks, there have been all sorts of rumors flying around about who is on Phillips's radar screen. Most of these have come from Tardnet, others from more legitimate sources (like this one, obviously). But recently The State posted an actual interview to let us know a little more 0n what TDP is thinking.

[Credit and goes to Block-C for being the first to link to this article. Also, kudos to them on simply posting it without treating TDP's words as proverbial tea leaves. It would undermine what they do over there to use Phillips's vague statements as the basis for hyperbolic, unsubstantiated, and ultimately useless conjecture that Phillips wants to hire a particular candidate.]

[However, we are clearly biased, and will now do exactly that.]

Because the interview is a little vague, allow us to fill in the gaps.

Statement: “Number one, he’s got to have a good football background so you feel he understands what he’s doing and how to go about getting his plan done."
Analysis: Muschamp walked on at Georgia and has coached at LSU, Auburn, Texas, and for the Miami Dolphins. He's currently the defensive coordinator for the number one team in the country, several weeks running. If he doesn't have a "good football background," i'll write in all NAMBLA members on my ballot and send my pastor a blind link purporting to be a delicious turkey recipe but is actually "meatspin."

Statement: "[H]e has to have an attitude about him that he’s going to win, and nothing is going to stand in his way."
Analysis: I refer you to our site's logo, which is a picture of Muschamp coaching while his head was bleeding.

Statement: Phillips nixed the idea Clemson might return to its glory days by reaching out to Danny Ford.
Analysis: TDP must have someone amazing in mind to get up the messingbälles to pre-emptively keep Danny serving up milkshakes at Mac's. I mean really. effing. awesome. I wonder who could conceivably be better than even an aging Ford (excluding a re-animated Bear Bryant with Frank Howard's head on his shoulder, but there's not enough funding for that)??? I wonder, indeed???

Statement: However, there was one condition to Miles’ hiring, Phillips said.
For his offensive coordinator, Miles had to bring in — at least for one year — former Cowboy quarterback Mike Gundy, a 33-year-old who had been let go as Maryland’s quarterbacks coach.
Analysis: OH MY GOD TDP'S GOING TO HIRE MUSCHAMP AND WILLY KORN!

Statement: In terms of age, [the coach will] be in his 40s.
Analysis: OK, Muschamp's only 37. However, as we noted in an earlier post, Muschamp has Dock Brown's Delorean at his disposal, thus allowing his early-forties self to travel from 2011 back to this coming Christmas. Problem solved.

Statement: Having area connections could give a candidate a tiebreaker advantage.
Analysis: Muschamp is from Rome, Georgia, which is roughly three hours away from the Esso (not that i've ever timed it or anything . . .). Even though Muschamp has bounced around, he has never really ventured too far from home. According to fellow Roman, world-renowned former used car salesman, and self-proclaimed "expert on RAW" Tripp Alexander, the Muschamps are good people who still live in Rome. So not only is Muschamp from nearby, but he'd be closer to family if he coached at Clemson.

Statement: Pedigree goes a long way.
Analysis: Not really sure what this means, but Muschamp is definitely well-bred. [Reads article, stares at Muschamp photo, unzips pantaloons.]

Statement: There needs to be a certain degree of stubborn confidence about the coach.
Analysis: [pauses] Oh, he definitely won't give up until the job's done. . . [heavy breathing]

Statement: Head coaching experience is not required.
Analysis: [building towards climax]

Statement: Defensive coordinator Will Muschamp, a fiery 37-year-old Georgia native who has cut his teeth under Bill Oliver and Nick Saban. Muschamp meets a lot of the qualifications, yet the lure of an SEC opening might trump what Clemson has to offer. (Emphasis added).
Analyis: [heavy breathing stops, re-zips pantaloons] WHAT THE HELL, STERLOW??? You had to save that for the end, didn't you? You might as well have been my mom bursting into the room. Asshole.
[storms off to do some heavy lifting]